We usually make two very common mistakes in how we think about relapse. First, we believe we’ll never relapse because we’re too strong. Second, we see relapse as failure.
If we think we’re too good to relapse, then we’re probably not gonna do quite as much as we need to do to stay sober, and we are actually more likely to relapse.
If we think relapse is failure, know that most people relapse in the first year, let alone at any point later. While I’d like to have faith in every one of us to stop for good, we also have to be understanding of human nature and allow for the reality that lots of us will relapse.
What Is a Relapse?
Relapsing is a normal and expected part of the struggle with addiction. It’s far from a failure. People relapse in their addictions at about the same rate as relapses with other chronic conditions like diabetes, high blood pressure, and asthma.
If someone who’s been treated for asthma has another asthma attack, would you call them a failure? No way, you’d understand that several things can happen to cause that, like forgetting to take a medication or not realizing a certain allergen is causing it to worsen.
What makes you think addiction is so special, so different? Just like with anything, there are so many variables and hurdles. You can never guarantee sobriety, nor can you guarantee someone will relapse. Life happens.
How to Plan Ahead and Prevent Relapses?
We don’t want to wait until after a relapse to start planning what to do next. Like with anything, the more you rehearse and prepare ahead of time, the better your chances of interrupting a relapse and getting back on track.
Yes, you can plan to avoid relapse. To do that, you need to build awareness around several things: what leads to your addiction, the thoughts and behaviors that come before it, how to avoid or remove triggers, when to leave certain situations, how to lean on people in your life for support, how assertive you are, who you can trust, and more.
Example of How to Plan Ahead to Avoid Relapses
For example, if you already anticipate awkward or difficult situations where you stopped hanging out with someone who’s a bad influence, you might already know you’ll have a hard time explaining why you stopped hanging out.
In that case, you could consider having a mutual friend help to explain that for you, or saving a draft email to send to people that’s already thought out and explains your situation for why you can’t keep hanging out.
Knowing Your Relapse Triggers
Did you know that about twenty percent of relapses happen because of social pressure? If there’s a wedding that might trigger you because of alcohol or family issues, you need to start thinking about how you’re gonna manage that, way before you’re there and craving alcohol.
For right now, you need a plan for how to either avoid triggers and pressures or how you’re going to get through them in the safest ways possible.
You’ll need to think about 2 types of triggers.
- What typically triggers your pain and distress
- What typically causes too much excitement or pressure to use
You’ll notice these are opposite types of triggers. One is a trigger of bad feelings that causes us to escape by using. And the other is a trigger of good feelings, too much excitement that we can’t turn down the fun of using.
Consider having some plans in your back pocket for tough situations that you can take care of ahead of time.
Tasks to Avoid Relapse
These tasks will have you think through every type of trigger so you can be one step ahead of your future self.
As you make a complete list of triggers, you’ll start to become aware of what you’re already doing that might be helping or hurting your chances.
You’ll see that the exercise leads you through different stages of relapse: first you’ll plan for triggers well before a relapse, then come up with a list of what to do if you’re in the middle of a relapse, and last you’ll go over a list of what to think about after a relapse. You wouldn’t want to figure out a fire escape after you’re caught in the smoke of a real fire.
Plan now so if it happens, you know what to do.
The Who: Establishing Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
Certain people – exes, family members, friends – who remind you of the excitement of using or are too tempting, or those you can’t imagine turning down an offer from, will probably cause you great distress.
- Who can I avoid altogether? What will I do instead? (This often means ending unhealthy relationships. Start with the easiest ones, like someone who uses you, or someone who never truly cared about the friendship and was just sharing a high or making money off you.)
- Who can I avoid to some degree? What will I do when that happens? (This might require tough conversations where you explain new boundaries and set clear expectations about what you’re prepared to do if those boundaries aren’t respected. One approach is to ask them how they think the relationship affects you. This encourages them to recognize the impact instead of hearing it solely from you.)
- Who will I still need to see that triggers me? What will I do in those situations? (Consider enlisting a friend to accompany you when you see certain people or visit certain places, as an extra support measure.)
The Where: Recognizing Places That Might Be Challenging
Certain places, like bars, houses, or neighborhoods, where you used to use may remind you of the excitement or have people who expect you to use. Others might bring up distressing or traumatic memories.
- Where can I avoid it altogether? What will I do instead?
- Where can I avoid to some degree? What will I do when I have to be there?
- Where will I still need to go that might trigger me? What strategies will I use to cope when that happens?
The Sensations: Recognizing Triggers
Certain sensations – such as loud music, bus noises, specific songs, the smell of a club or cigarette, the sight of a crack pipe or needles, or feeling jittery – can also trigger memories.
- What can I avoid altogether? What will I do instead?
- What can I avoid to some degree? What will I do when that happens?
- Where will I still need to go that might trigger these sensations? What strategies will I use to cope when that happens?
The When: Recognizing Challenging Times and Dates
Certain times – such as specific seasons, anniversaries of breakups, deaths, or other major events, and times of year when you used to use – can remind you of the excitement of using and feel too tempting. They can also trigger memories of distressing or traumatic experiences.
- What times can I avoid altogether? What will I do instead?
- What times can I avoid to some degree? What will I do when those times come?
- What times will still occur that might trigger me? What strategies will I use to cope when that happens?
The Situations: Recognizing Risky Moments and Events
Certain situations – like parties, being alone, boredom, major life changes (such as a new job or relationship), annual events, or watching specific shows or movies – can act as powerful triggers that stir up cravings, remind you of past behaviors, or bring back difficult emotions.
- What situations can I avoid altogether? What will I do instead?
- What situations can I avoid to some degree? What will I do when those situations arise?
- What situations will I still need to face that might trigger me? What strategies will I use to cope when that happens?
The Top 3 Triggers
Now, highlight your top 3 triggers from everything above and memorize your responses for each of those.
Immediate Task if On the Verge of Relapse or Just Relapsed
If you just relapsed or are about to, have this in mind:
“It just means I still need to figure more out about what’s going on and continue to try to adapt some more. I was already trying whether I realize it or not.”
Now list:
- I can call these 3 people or organizations when this happens: (sponsor, mentor, family, friend, church; list their name, phone number, and address)
- I can go immediately to: (family, friend’s house)
- I can go just after that are: (different friend or family, nearby town, camping, rehab)
- Things I can do to disrupt myself right now are: (also consider read one of your most inspirational books, read your own journaling, exercise, rework any past program you found helpful)
Task for After a Relapse
The reasons or triggers for this setback could be things like people, places, sensations, times, or situations. Write down your thoughts to create awareness:
- Learning from those, some ways I can avoid those triggers or reasons are:
- Learning from those, some ways I can prepare for those triggers or reasons are:
- Learning from those, some ways I can respond better to those triggers or reasons are:
Final Consideration for Relapse Planning
When you’ve finished this task, print or write your relapse plan and place it somewhere you’ll see it every day – like on your bathroom mirror, fridge, or another spot you regularly notice.
Start each day by reminding yourself:
“I choose to recenter myself for the purpose of: ______________” (insert your highest-held value here)
This simple daily reminder will help keep you focused on what truly matters and strengthen your commitment to staying on track.
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