Do you struggle with phone addiction? Many people try to figure that out by asking how much time they spend on their phone or social media. “Am I checking it throughout the day? Am I using it too much? What kind of social media am I on?” But those aren’t necessarily the right questions to ask yourself.
So, How Can You Detect Phone Addiction?
Ask yourself: “Am I turning to my phone or social media as a way of dealing with life’s issues?”
That could mean coping with a stressful day, unresolved childhood issues, a terrible job, or a difficult marriage. There are all kinds of things that make us feel bad. And if you’re turning to social media to manage those feelings, that may be an addictive process.
So instead of focusing only on how many hours you spend on it, try thinking about it this way – because there may be deeper reasons behind your use.
When you go on social media, you might be learning something, or you might just be watching cat videos. We can’t measure whether someone is an addict based solely on their interests or the amount of time they spend. What really matters is why you’re turning to it.
What is Phone Addiction? Understanding the Addictive Circuit
I define addiction as “a trained pattern of seeking pleasure to escape intolerable painful emotions,” and I illustrate it with the Current of Addiction below.
In the context of social media or phone addiction, imagine that emotional pain acts as a trigger, such as a sense of anger, loneliness or boredom. Then your mind craves relief, which you may find through infinite scrolling, notifications, and personalized content designed to keep you engaged.
These behaviors trigger the release of dopamine, reinforcing the addictive pattern. You may find yourself constantly seeking this temporary relief, losing track of how much time you spend on it, and beginning to neglect personal or professional responsibilities.
This creates a cycle in which you feel compelled to engage in the behavior more frequently, even though it no longer provides genuine satisfaction and may worsen underlying emotional pain. This is the phase of false pleasure.
True health involves learning to navigate outside this current. This means recognizing the emotional pain without resorting to social media all the time, understanding the cravings without giving in, and finding healthier ways to cope with discomfort.
How to Manage and Recover from Social Media and Phone Addiction
The first step is to create awareness of whether you have the addictive circuit I’ve just described. If so, it’s time to look for this healthy zone. We often carry balls of emotional “stuff” – angry feelings, guilt, and fears. Without enough other things going on, this ball spreads out and leaks into all areas of life: our jobs, friends, family, and activities.
One piece of advice I have for you is:
Don’t Try to Block Thoughts of Addiction
Here’s a quick thought experiment: “Don’t think of an elephant.” Chances are, you just pictured an elephant. Trying not to think about something doesn’t work; in fact, it’s often the worst approach. Instead, occupy your mind with other things so you don’t even battle with trying not to think about it.
The goal is to keep yourself busy with anything outside your addiction for a few months. So a second piece of advice I have for you is:
Stay Busy
Think of staying busy as a way to contain this ball so it stays the same size or even gets smaller. The busier you stay with healthy activities, the smaller the ball of emotional stress remains.
When thinking about staying busy, you can return to something you used to do or try something new. Joining someone you already know in activities they do can help you grow relationships, stay accountable, and have a partner for motivation.
Here are some ideas to keep you engaged:
- Healthy diet: Learning, shopping, cooking, and eating with others.
- Sober friends: Spend time together and explain why you’re staying busy.
- Music: Play or listen to music.
- Building/fixing projects: For yourself or others.
- Workout programs: Exercise can occupy time, detox the brain, and promote socialization.
- Learning: Study something new or explore a topic more deeply.
- Work: Take on extra hours or overtime if practical.
- Art: Express yourself creatively.
- Home/family projects: Plan or execute projects at home or for friends/family.
- Volunteering: Provides purpose and connection while supplementing other activities.
- Reconnecting with family: Spend time with older family members, make gifts, or express gratitude.
- Entertainment: TV series, movies.
- Spiritual/religious engagement: Attend church, temple, mosque, or study groups.
- Solitary or quiet activities: Meditation, yoga, stretching, or walks—if enjoyable to you.
Some activities are healthier than others. The key is to focus on life outside your addiction. As you progress, you can shift from simpler distractions like TV to more enriching activities like exercise, cooking, and spending time with sober friends.
A Complete Recovery Program That Works for Phone Addiction
I’ve created Self Recovery, a comprehensive, private, online program designed to help people overcome various forms of addiction, including phone addiction.
The program is flexible and accessible, allowing you to engage at your own pace and from the comfort of your home. You may be surprised at how much it can help you gain self-awareness, deal more effectively with the triggers of your emotional pain, and develop healthier ways to cope.
